.Thursday, November 13, 2008@9:34 AM.
Today, i came back home from school abt 6.15,i rested awhile abt 7.30 i went down to my grandma house to have dinner.. i saw my dad was sleeping on the floor and i wondering was her really sleeping or just resting.. so after dinner i went back to my own house and watch video.. as i was watching, i think thru alot.. everyday i was so afraid that my friend stephanie really will leave me forever.. but many ppl told me that even that happen, it is alr beyond your own limit u can't control everything that going to happen in your life.. so after watching the video half way abt 9.50 i went down to my grandma house again.. as on my way down, i feel something pulling my leg muscle so i tot it was just something normal that i always had.. but i nvr thought of the swallon muscle is back.. so i continue walking.. then i reach my grandma house and i saw my dad was reading newspaper and i asking him what was he reading.. and he nvr ans me.. then suddenly he told me i alr not working and i might not be able to last for 1 and a half yrs anymore.. then suddenly i was shock.. it seems like he was trying to hint me something and dun wan to let me noe.. then i felt a sudden lonely in my heart.. i totally feel so hopeless and helpless.. i really scare one day i wake up, i couldn't see my dad anymore.. i have alr lost my mom i can't just basically see my self losing anyone anymore.. then during that time i feel like calling stephanie.. but the moment i wanted to call, i remind of the hate in her to me.. i knew that she hasn't forgive me yet the hatress in her is not so easily to b earse.. so i try my best to call another friend huiting.. but i call her serveral time no one pick up so i feel so afraid i started to cry out.. i wanna tell someone that i can trust abt my feeling but another feeling tell me that i shouldn't... cos it might let others think that i trying to get ther attention and lied to them.. but it been so long, there are none of them whom i can rely on...
Labels: THE SADNESS AND FRIGHTENESS IN ME..